


Don't Think About the Tree Topper

by Emi_theSassiestSousa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas and his lovely demon, Gen, Guilt, Tree Topper, feelings are hard, sorry - Freeform, who is still dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 07:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17545136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emi_theSassiestSousa/pseuds/Emi_theSassiestSousa
Summary: This work is 100% inspired by this artwork bywhatwouldcaptainamericado





	Don't Think About the Tree Topper

**Author's Note:**

> This work is 100% inspired by this artwork by [whatwouldcaptainamericado](http://whatwouldcaptainamericado.tumblr.com/post/70548498981/big-fan-of-cas-getting-pissed-at-angel-tree-topper)

 

 

Whatever you do, don’t think about this scene as the culmination of days of hollow depression, days of Cas having his thoughts thrown back into the past every time he looks at that tree, every time he looks at that “little tree topper”, sent back to re-experience his time spent with a demon.

Don’t think about the guilt Cas feels. Don’t think about the guilt he feels about that guilt. Don’t think about the questions Cas can’t stop asking himself: Why should he mourn that demon? Why should she be any more important than the scores of demons he’s smited himself? Why should she be elevated to a level of such importance, to the level of a frie–

Don’t think about Cas staring that blank, ceramic face in its empty little eyes, staring at it and remembering that one name of many that she would call him, one name of many that would elicit such feelings in him, feelings of warmth and security. Don’t think about the stinging pain he feels when he remembers how all that was snatched from him, from them, cut short just after they had finally been reunited. Don’t think about how Cas, finally unable to handle the overwhelming, conflicted grief he’s been pushing away for years, snaps and grabs the bat sitting under the tree, grabs the gift Mary had helped him pick out for Jack, and knocks that damned ornament into oblivion.

.

And definitely don’t think about him dropping the bat at his side, about him falling to his knees, about him hurriedly scraping up the pieces, heart thudding in his chest, stomach twisting in knots, fingers starting to bleed as he desperately tries to find every sharp scrap, every jagged sliver, because what if someone heard? What if someone sees?

Don’t think about him remembering himself and gathering his meager grace to mend the crude approximation of an angel in his hands, forcing the pieces back together as best he can remember what it looked like before. Don’t think about Cas having to manipulate the matter in his hands because he couldn’t quite find all the pieces, far flung as they were after his violent outburst. Don’t think about how he has to pull and stretch this form he almost ruined beyond repair, molding it until it will pass the glancing inspection of his friends and family.

And don’t think about how he so carefully balances the ornament again on the sparse, unlit tree, or how he quietly hurries away from it, or how he won’t look at it over the next weeks, won’t even look into that corner until the tree is taken down in January, until the occasion has passed and he is blessedly able to forget about the ornament, to forget all about it for at least another year.

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said up top, this little diddy is inspired by the artwork by [whatwouldcaptainamericado](http://whatwouldcaptainamericado.tumblr.com/post/70548498981/big-fan-of-cas-getting-pissed-at-angel-tree-topper). I just wanted to have this little bit of my writing collected with my other pieces.


End file.
